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Hopper announces that performance ratings follow a fixed distribution where only 15% can exceed, and Nullwing distills the system to its logical conclusion: his success depends on someone else failing.
Hopper announces a new policy where performance ratings follow a fixed distribution with only 15% allowed to exceed; Nullwing asks what happens if everyone does great work.
Hopper shrugs and says 'We calibrate' while Pawla walks by in the background giving a cheerful thumbs-up, saying they can just work harder.
Silent beat panel — Nullwing stares at Hopper and Pawla, coffee mug frozen mid-sip, processing how broken the system is.
Nullwing delivers the punchline deadpan: 'So my success depends on someone else failing. Very team-oriented.' Hopper is taken aback and Pawla's smile fades.
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Performance Calibration

February 06, 2025

Performance review season. Where your actual work meets a bell curve.

  • hopper
  • performance-review
  • corporate-absurdity
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